I resolve to end my vicarious 2 year affair with Wolf Blitzer’s perfectly manicured beard and exquisitely sprayed silver mane. He is my “Situation” if you know what I mean!
I resolve to stop fantasizing about throwing Kim Kardashian by the inside of her meaty leg for creating reckless and useless media content. Oh and offering a credit card to unassuming young girls (glib and easily led) who then get stuck with fees higher than the value of the card! I’d send her hurling through the air only to laugh heartily as she collects herself and begins to chase me….Part of the reason I’ll willingly give up my Kardashian hate is I don’t want to be sued in a public forum and thus splashed upon the various pages which I detest. So Full circle, yes, I’ll cease and desist.
I resolve to be more interesting in real life!
I promise to stop drawing beards on babies on the magazines at the Haircutters salon down the block from my house.
I resolve to break up with my wordpress ‘stats addiction’ comon’ how close could me and 65 visitors on my biggest day be? (December 9th 2010 by the way)….
I resolve to fart when I need to. Been holding them in for 45 years. Is that just the cruel and unusual cost of being a woman? No more! I’ll be contributing soon and often.
I resolve to eat desserts when I feel like it (except chocolate chip cookies- see #2 – they are evil) but still paying no mind to whom I have to impress or forgo eating around.
I resolve to speak up to service people who don’t make eye contact with me, the paying customer. That’s the least we should get right? Oh, and I’ll have figured out some pointed ways of telling them that they’re slacking.
I resolve to exercise more. I’m a poor example of a person with Tarahumara ancestry, since I never run anymore. Recently, playing tennis with one of my sons and my husband, I let anything near the ‘alley” just go past me. Flippant and unapologetic if I couldn’t get to it 3 steps. “I don’t run anymore” I told them. “it’s done.” (under my breath I apologized to my ancestors whom outran deer in thin shards of leather laced up their legs to secure a meal in the high rocky elevations of Mexico’s Copper Canyon. Look at me. I’m wasing my DNA. I used to run 7 miles every two weeks. Not impressive, but something. Now? See #2.
I resolve to use my ‘Couch to 5K ap. !! Will I get my mojo back? Time and resolve with tell.
I resolve to answer long emails on the day they arrive, instead of parlaying the efforts that it might take to read…, – saving them as new for three days on average. I read novels, but I can’t get through an email that someone obviously cared enough about to take the time to structure? Paginate and practically bind? COMON!! I’ll be more timely and appreciative.
Oh! And about those emails, I promise not to reply to them with just one or two words “Cool.” Or “Will do” …or the sometimes used, “Got it” promise. It will not happen again.
I resolve not to wish Anderson Cooper wasn’t gay. It’s not getting me anywhere.
I also wish to stop lamenting the day Russell Brand met Katy Perry.
I resolve to keep learning to play guitar but this time make sure my teacher is less than 80 years old because the other one had a bit of Alzheimer’s forgetting we were meeting for class and also blathering on and on about Charo. Whom I feel like I know now. I was so educated in the appreciation of the ‘hootchie Kootchie queen” that I actually toyed around with getting tickets to the washed up star’s performance at Cerritos college. Thankfully my concerned husband stopped me.
Those are my resolutions. I may update you during the year on how it’s going. A fart story here or a story of ruthless consumer retaliation there. It might be a story of extreme iron pumping in preparation for actually making it to the alley side of the court during a rousing game of tennis with my 11 year old. I don’t plan on letting any ‘aces’ get by me this year.
In any case it will be enlightening. Happy New Year.
Blographer / and other stuff.