Prophylactic Prophet Protects Penises

I’m no Sinead O’ Connor and I appreciate the antiquity and beauty of the religion I was brought up in, even if I got pinched for looking to the back of the church through my veil, causing great sin and bad luck while in the pew listening to Latin and wonder ‘what the F%#@ are they saying?’ But I must say that this wonderful seasonal gift actually makes moms of “teendults” or “adulteens” very effective. So your multitasking is already on overdrive? You can down 4 cups of coffee, speed drive the Jr. High narrowly missing kids crossing the street next to McDonalds? (it’s okay they’re scrubs anyway), and you can lick clean an oven even after easy-off was applied and even THAT couldn’t do the job? Well now you can add one more incredible task to your list of incredulously hated time wasters (um…I mean wonderfully challenging and necessary family helping duties~!)…Available now are these wonderfully screened limited edition prophylactics with the mug of THE POPE! Even though you didn’t subject your kids to the torture Roman Catholic Catechism or even the indescribably terror filled confession on Saturdays at which you almost had to most certainly always do more Hail Marys and Our Fathers than any axe murderer, you can give the guilt that prevents you adulteen from “giving” if you know what I mean. Limited edition. The Nancy Pelosi edition is coming soon. This edition is rumored to be even MORE effective!

If you're faced with counseling your 18 year old about safe sex (by now it's inevitable), we've got these babies to help.

If you're faced with counseling your 18 year old about safe sex (by now it's inevitable), we've got these babies to help.

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